Women, Love, and Relationships

 
The topic on women in Rizal’s life is a favourite subject that titillate many of his admirers, including those against Rizal, just look at the standing only lecture by Ambeth Ocampo at the Ayala Museum titled Querida de Rizal (Loves of Rizal), but many interpreted Querida is kabit or the other woman, hence the intense curiosity.
 
We know of Rizal’s love to Leonor Rivera and the other women who have been linked to him during his short life, ending with Josephine Bracken, his de facto wife. But I would only dwell a little on this. I would rather  discuss about his attitude to Filipino women in general, and give you what Rizal found in Leonor Rivera that made him so faithful to her even when she already married another man.

In one of the many exchanges of letters between Rizal and his classmate Jose M. Cecilio who boarded with him in the house of Leonor’s parents, Rizal asked his friend which of the two Leonor [Valenzuela] he would prefer for him, Cecilio said: ‘As always, I have been for the Cuestion del Oriente, name given to Leonor Rivera in Cecilio’s countless letters to Rizal, for she is ‘more womanly, more submissive, more pliant, more docile, more gentle, more sweet, more meek, very coy, and, above all, better educated.’ Rizal agreed to Cecilio’s choice, and admitted that he was firmly for Leonor Rivera and he was going to marry her.
 
How revealing ended on Rizal’s ideal for a partner. This reminded me of my research on ‘mail order brides’ where Australian men were visiting the Philippines to look for their lifelong partner almost always had same ideal, similar to what Rizal wanted for a partner, maybe a wife and a househelp combined.
 
In writing his celebrated Message to the Young Women of Malolos, in Tagalog, he made clear his idea of a woman. Part of the essay reads: ‘… I searched my memory diligently, though I recalled one by one all the young women I have known since childhood, only a few conformed to the ideal I longed for. It is true there were many endowed with sweet disposition, beautiful habits, gentle manners, modesty, but withal were mingled complete deference and obedience to every word and request of the so-called father of the soul — as if the soul has any other father but God — due to their excessive goodness, humility, or perhaps ignorance. They are like withered plants, sowed and grown in darkness. Though they may bloom, their flowers are without fragrance; though they may bear fruit, their fruit has no juice.’
 
In general, he talked about the role of women in society and he said: ‘Young womanhood, the nursery of fruitful flowers, ought to accumulate riches to bequeath to its descendants. What could the offspring be of a woman whose only virtues is to murmur prayers, whose only knowledge is derived from awit, novena prayer books, and miraculous tales intended to mislead men, with no other recreation but panguingue or frequent confession of the same sin?.’
 
But Rizal’s attitude to products of mixed cultural marriages slightly deviated from the importance he had accorded to the sons and daughters of Filipino marriages, as the hope of the fatherland. Congratulating Fernando Canon for the birth of a son, Rizal said: ‘I truly share your joy. I congratulate you and your wife [a Spanish woman]. I felicitate Spain, because I am sure that Fernandito can only have the noble qualities and good dispositions of his parents, and such citizens do not abound everywhere. Nevertheless, I cannot refrain from expressing  to you a certain sadness upon thinking that this new being in whose veins Filipino blood runs and who will be educated with so much care will afterwards be a lost member of a country that is in need of men.’
 
It was the same feeling he said about the children of Juan Luna who although married to Paz Pardo de Tavera, a Filipino-Spanish mestiza living in France, he felt the same sentiment and said: ‘when I hold in my arms the son of Luna and Pacita Pardo – he is one French more and one Filipino less. It is true that the Europeans who go to the Philippines give us their children; but what children, what education, and what love they have for the country.’
 
Rizal’s advice or opinion was also sought by his contemporary not only on the subject of politics. Even subject of love, his compatriots confided with him about their personal problems on love. One day in December of 1889, he received a letter from Antonio Luna who was asking among other things, including Nelly Boustead, the eldest daughter of a very rich Englishman and a Filipina mestiza, whom he was deeply in love with. Antonio asked Rizal: I wish you would give me some news about Nelly. Your friend and compatriot is asking you. Does she still loves me? Since 16 November, I have not heard from her. I wrote her a letter 20 days ago. Write me clearly, though this is secondary. But I should like to know if I am making myself ridiculous by believing candidly in a love that no longer exists.’ It was this relation with Nelly Boustead that almost broke the friendship between Luna and Rizal.
 
In one party in Madrid, Luna was heavily drunk and made unsavory remarks against Nelly Boustead and regarded Rizal as the main reason why Luna failed to get her attention. This prompted Rizal to challenge Luna into a duel. Fortunately, Luna apologized to Rizal, thus averting tragedy in the Filipino community.
 
The problem of a woman being the target of two Filipinos also happened when Consuelo Ortiga y Rey, one of the daughters of Don Pablo Ortiga, a Spanish Filipino mestizo, became the woman whom both Rizal and Eduardo de Lete were attracted to. Rizal was very close to Consuelo, in fact, one of his best poems was dedicated to her. He was a regular visitor to the Ortiga’s residence in Madrid. The feeling of Rizal towards Consuelo has been interpreted by many historians as real love but because of his commitment to his cause and the fact that one of his compatriots, Eduardo de Lete, was madly in love with Consuelo, Rizal has to give way, not only to preserve his friendship with de Lete but also he was still committed to Leonor Rivera, a love that lasted 11 years.
 
Even if Rizal was not reminded of Leonor at home, he would probably unable to get the love of Consuelo because she was afraid of a ‘serious’ man. In her diary entry dated 2 March 1883, she said: ‘I think of them and my thoughts are divided between Rizal and de Lete. The first tempts me with the way he talks, because he seems to be a serious young man (however I am scared of the serious ones).
 
In another occasion, his friend, Valentin Ventura was having a problem in his relationships with a European girl. He wrote Rizal and said: ‘I have almost broken with my brunette. The other night I went to the theatre with her and I do not know if it is by accident or because she gave him an appointment, the fact is that in the middle of the performance someone came and wishes to stay. Politely, I made him understand that he was a bother until he finally went away. As a result of this, she became serious and then with the frankness that characterises us Filipinos, I told her clearly that when she was with me, I did not want anybody to come to the picture. We separated very much disgusted and for a week now we have not seen each other. These people do not want to understand that a Filipino will not play a ridiculous role.’ For the present, I have only my blonde and I am glad because I can now devote myself to her, which she deserves for the poor one is very amiable.’
 
And there was the case of Jose Panganiban who was in hot water for meddling with a married woman. According to a letter of Rizal, the husband caught them in the act. Rizal observed that Panganiban commited a very serious error of giving to the woman papers pertaining to his studies and writing her an indiscreet letter. He had been hiding for quite a time in  Canon’s house, but one Saturday night, the husband, accompanied by a friend, met him at Plaza de Cataluña and the two beat him and though he  was able to knock down one of them, he got a blow on the head which bled continously. The affair did not reach the court. Only few of the Filipinos  knew what happened.
 
Like the Kings Cross of Sydney, Rizal was aware of such places in Europe to satisfy carnal instincts of Filipino compatriots. In his travel memoir with Rizal, Maximo Viola mentioned about their night visit in Vienna to Café Pelayo, a place where Filipinos gather, and some places which Viola described as ‘houses of low-flying doves’ (mga bahay ng mga kalapating mababa ang lipad). He also talked about ‘the figure of a temptress in the form of a Viennese woman, of the family of the Camellas or Margarite, of extraordinary beauty and irresistible attraction’ who Viola said regularly the guest of Filipinos purposely ‘to offer for a moment the cup of mundane pleasure to the apostles of Philippine freedom…’
 
The author also wrote the latest book on the national hero of the Philippines titled Understanding Jose Rizal available now at the National Bookstores and Powerbooks.
 

 

 

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